i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
