We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
