I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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