I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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