My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
