We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
