This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
