I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I AM VODKA MAN
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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