My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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