I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
