we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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