He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
