I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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