my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
