When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
