I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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