im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
the raccoons are back...
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