saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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