it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
