Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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