I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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