My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
