Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
