the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
