is wine microwaveable?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
