If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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