halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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