I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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