Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
