I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
