do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
