Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
