this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
