It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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