he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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