i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
