You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
