You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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