Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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