My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
