Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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