i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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