If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
