he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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