I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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