Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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