goodnight i made you a song goodbye
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
