They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
