pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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