I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
