She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
