Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
